Okay, so I've been having some difficulties recently with feeling like I'm not a good enough mom. I'm slowly starting to realize that I just have to be "good enough," and that's okay. I am good enough for my children, and that is what is important.
I've been going to a therapist who has been helping me come to some realizations. As a side note, my husband is three months away from his Ph.D. in counseling psychology, and I strongly believe that anyone could benefit from therapy (even if it was just for learning how to communicate better with others). Combine that with insurance that pays 100%, and I'm there.
Anyway, back to the realizations. I was telling my therapist what a bad mom I feel like I am because I can't sit and play with trains for hours like my youngest would like, or play make believe games all day like my oldest would like. These things are so boring for me. Then he said, "Don't you think all moms get bored doing those sorts of things?" Then he explained that the goal was to do what you can do as a mom, and if that means only 5 minutes of playing with trains before you think your head will explode, then that's okay. That's 5 minutes more than nothing. It was like a total aha moment for me, the fact that it's okay that I hate playing with trains. I will do what I can with my children, and know that I am a "good enough" mother, because I love my children, and they love me!
So go, play on the floor with your children for 5 minutes. If it turns into 15 minutes, lucky them. Have fun!
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
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4 comments:
Erin I loved this and think we all getting feeling this way. This helped. I giggled wondering if your therapist was Christian.. he he
I feel exactly the same way, only in our house it was playing dollhouse or Barbies for hours. But you know, a lot of times all Ella needed was that five minutes from me to get her started, then she'd continue the game on her own. And now that she's older, she's really good at playing independently, which I think is important.
My other advice: do stuff together that YOU actually like doing. For me, that's taking walks or going on bike rides; we have a funner time because I actually don't mind being there (not to mention we're out of the house where the dishes aren't calling my name). I think if you can focus on what you offer as a mom (not what other moms offer), you'll feel better.
Besides, you're a great mom!
I'm totally feeling you. I feel guilty as a mom if I neglect the nuggler to get things done for me or the house. But then I feel unproductive and like a bad wife if I don't get something done during the day. I've just decided that some days are just a wash for me, and some days the kid gets neglected. As long as I have a balance, right?
okay, so I'm a little behind and catching up... my mom just gave me this audio book - Love and Logic Magic for 0-6 (or something, I don't have it sitting in front of me, but that is close). Apparently Love and Logic is this series of parenting books. I've really only listened to almost 2 CDs of the 4 and am applying stuff. There is really good stuff about parenting - tips, words to use, etc. to make parenting more fun. (Not like any of you have kids that act up.) ;)
Anyway, my mom and I were having this conversation about how we are just "thrown" into parenthood. We aren't really prepared for it, or take classes, just trial and error and hope for the best.
So, I'm recommending these or at least this book. So far, it is well worth the time.
Anyone else read it or even heard of it?
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